There’s a bit of irony in skipping class to take a mental health day before heading off to my job at a psychiatric hospital.
My hair is getting long and it’s so thick and chances are I’ll never go bald. My butt looks awesome today, and I feel really pretty too. I’ve spent the morning being productive and listening to good music. I say hi to a lot of people on campus and some of them are actually really good friends. I saw my favorite band a couple of days ago. I ate oatmeal for breakfast, and I love oatmeal. It’s getting to boots and scarves weather, and I’m going thrifting for sweaters after class today. I’ve been more outgoing lately, more sure of things, and have finally been making decisions for no one but me.
I know that sounds like a list of random unconnected things, but the point is that life is good. Forget about the crap, because none of it matters.
I’ve been out of whack these past few weeks. There’s a part of me trying to convince myself to skip all of my classes, to lay in bed all day and stare at the wall. Even though I wouldn’t do it because I’m a grade freak, it still scares me that I’m even thinking of it. I’m just less than I used to be, lately. Not as good. Less motivated, less smart, less anything. Thoughts are blurry, things are colorless, and being happy is a chore, just like when I was younger and I’d jump up and act industrious every time my mother walked by so she would think I was cleaning my room rather than reading a book. Just like that.